Banishing “busy”
As part of a recent goal check-up with myself I realized I'm failing miserably at being more mindful when responding to, “How are you?”
My kneejerk response over the last few years had become, “I’m sooo busy”.
Huh? “Busy” is not a state of being. “Busy” doesn’t describe how I’m feeling or whether that chaos was welcome or disruptive, and for me, I love the feeling of being stretched and pushed.
So I asked myself, what am I conveying by saying “I'm sooo busy”?
• That I'm tired
• That I don't have time for the person I'm talking to
• That I don't enjoy what I'm doing/ just going through the motions to get things off my to do list as fast as possible
• That I'm a slave to my schedule
• That I'm “important” because I have all these things pulling me in different directions
The last one I feel is cultural. Subliminally, we love comparing “who is busier” notes with each other. “Busy” equals status and importance because why else would someone have so many commitments and demands placed on their most limited resource (time)?
This year I've met people whose schedules make mine appear like I'm slacking. I literally feel like a potato when I compare my life to theirs. It's been pretty eye opening, particularly when I'm around them and I open my mouth to start to say how slammed I am. It's like you kind of freeze and remember that this person you're talking to would kill to have just one Saturday a month where their entire day wasn't scheduled. But then again, they probably don't think this way at all, because they love and own this lifestyle that they're created for themselves. I had a girlfriend who moved to New York tell me that this sloth-like feeling is immediate once you realize everyone, literally EVERYONE, around you is hustling just as hard and managing to find time to spin 5 times a week and tag on several volunteer positions.
The reality is that I love and own this lifestyle that I've created for myself. I’m trying to recondition my responses to “how are you?” so that my choice in the matter is evident, and I truly share with the person how I’m doing rather than the state of my schedule.
“Splendid thanks, really seeing some momentum at work and spending a lot of time hiking and camping in the back country,” is the more appropriate answer. This is what I’ve been meaning to say. I simply want to convey that I’m a “human being” not a “human doing”.
One final thought for today. I hope all my “busy” friends out there are taking time to care for their bodies and minds. Walking their dogs, caring for injured backs, getting enough sleep. When you’re tired, learn to rest (not quit).
