The Woman I Wanted To Be

“The Woman I Wanted To Be” by Diane von Furstenberg, the fashion tycooness, describes the life of a woman who has a lot more to offer the world than just her beautifully printed wrap dresses. Her autobiography serves as a tangible reminder that life, love, motherhood and business are all possible withinin the span of a single lifetime. I feel like Diane is a “Fluxer” like myself, having unique points of focus at different times in her life to suit her highest goals. It may seem a contradiction that someone in the vanity business could be so utterly grounded and deeply self-aware. Diane characterizes everything it takes to achieve success at the highest levels: Character, Intelligence, Strength, Style.

By 29, Diane had sold millions of her iconic wrap dress and had attracted the attention of the major media as she built her “fashion empire” in what was, at the time, a very male-dominated industry. The week of her appearance on the cover of Wall Street Journal, she sat in first class beside a man who examined her while huffing and puffing, trying to figure out how to start a conversation with this young woman who clearly wasn’t fitting into the profile of what he had expected of a seat mate. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing reading the Wall Street Journal?” he quizzed as Diane immersed herself in a pile of daily newspapers, clearly oblivious to the fact that the curly haired woman on the cover was, in fact, his new travel companion. Diane never corrected him, nor chided him about his chauvinistic attitude—she just smiled and said nothing at all. She describes her lack of retort as a personal triumph, a victory over her ego. What a powerful story.

I can identify with the experience of being that woman who is the square peg amongst a sea of round-holed expectations. Back when I was consulting this was a repeat experience. The first day on the project was always the worst. We have all felt the butterflies that go along with the first day on the job, but when you’re a project consultant you tend to have a lot more “firsts” than someone in a permanent role. I would arrive to the kickoff meeting in a lifted Ford Outlaw, all blacked out and sporting the usual accessories: antennas on every square inch of the roof, fire extinguisher, high-vis whips and meaty off-road tires. As I opened my door and came into view of the smokers lined up against construction trailers, it was clear that my appearance set off alarms in their subconscious. I’m about half the size of the frame which they’re used to seeing step out of a truck in the land of ice highways and lease roads. My every footstep was marked by 15 sets of eyes as I carried my binders to the meeting trailer- I remember being hyper aware of my every move and would walk quickly with my neck shrugged in to my body to ward off the bone chilling wind. The usual relief that is felt after bursting in from the cold was fleeting as the chatter came to grinding, uncomfortable halt upon my entrance.

I have this gift of incredible hearing, which isn’t even really needed in this room full of men who have partially or fully lost their hearing after years of heavy equipment buzzing around them. I had become the topic of conversation and no one did a very good job of hiding it. What matters is not what they were saying when they first met me, but the fact that I kept my cool, and truly gave them a chance to get to know me. Like Diane, it would have been easy to forever write them off as chauvinistic, keep my distance and therefore miss an opportunity to correct a stereotype. I do feel like my early success had to do with my willingness to accept that my position challenged norms, and that I would have to be forgiving of the people who misunderstood that the world was changing. I am very proud of those moments, and I made many lasting business relationships and friendships out of the same crowd of men who had been intolerant or unsure of me in the beginning.

Pushing boundaries, living with an unquenchable thirst for challenges and new experiences, exploring what it means to be free and independent—Diane embodies everything I admire in “strong women”. But most of all, she has mastered the art of constructing life as she wishes it: she has always focused on becoming the woman she wanted to be and in doing so has been able to attain success in so many facets of her life. This book has been a beautiful reminder to keep carving out the details of what I want my life to look like. “Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievement”.