Letter to my younger self
There are so many things I would share with my younger self, if ever an avenue for that sort of thing existed.
If I could reach back all the way to the 14-year-old me, I wouldn't waste a second. I'd start get straight to the point. Chels, embrace and hold on to the most disruptive, but beautiful part of who you are. Prepare to be frustrated and unhappy with the fact that…
you cannot lie to yourself
You may be able to get away with the odd fib to your parents, but you have a gripping sense of accountability to yourself which prevents you from selling yourself anything that contradicts who you are in your core. The sooner you embrace it, the easier it will be to use it as a guidepost in your life rather than spending an exorbitant amount of energy molding yourself around other peoples ideals. This part of you will cause you great discomfort, pushing you in the opposite direction of what’s “safe” into the wilderness of what’s possible. It’s the part of you that will uphold the contracts your soul has signed, and will slap you in the face when you start trying to convince yourself that you can be happy settling into a much simpler lifestyle. One more thing: treat the words of your grandfather as though it were scripture-- you can do absolutely anything you set your mind to. Hold on to that thought, visit it daily.
Great, now if that were the only message that could pass myself I would consider it a lucky break.
But there is so much more I would say about embracing experiences, holding on to innocence, and being unapologetically you.
Your love of sport is going to take you places. You will find confidence and discipline, comradery and adventure. Soccer is your first love but you will eventually follow in your mother’s footsteps and take up European Handball. For all the good things sport brings, it is the influence that responsible for drawing out your pleasing nature. Unfortunately, you take the words of your coach to heart rather than playing for YOU. You can’t help it, I know. But I urge you to practise being more like a duck, "and let it flow off your back like water". This will help you move through the various challenges ahead with a lot less frustration when you come across a special breed of person-- the master manipulator. These type of people prey especially hard on people who hate disappointing others.
So try your damnedest to always find even a small part of the moment that is rewarding for you, and you only.
Enjoy the spaghetti in Montana but don't get too attached to the Grizz shorts. Soon you'll be wearing Team Canada across your chest-- bringing to life a dream that you spoke aloud in front of your entire school (by the way, keep breathing life to your dreams by speaking them aloud, often). You'll play in Europe and South America with your best friends and teammates. Cherish those memories, you guys will be talking about it for decades to come. And write in your damn journal! Please! Your older self can barely remember anything from Brazil (aside from the awe-inspiring drive through the twisting Amazon on the coach bus, playing in the steel-roofed stadium in the pouring rain, and trying not to cry each time you stood side by side with your teammates, staring back at a nearly packed house while O'Canada played over the loudspeakers). You also failed to take enough pictures of these trips. You felt awkward about your looks and didn't like to be in front of the camera.
You should know, Chelsey, that those moments are just as important to capture as the ones later in life when you begin to own your femininity.
There's unfortunately no advice I can give you that would help ease the pain of quitting the team. I am so proud of you for taking a stand against the inappropriate conduct you endured for two years too long. As sad as you feel in that moment, just know that this event sets the tone for how you will develop into a fervent protector of people close to you who are being mistreated. Use this gut feeling (of right and wrong) at every opportunity and you will make good decisions.
Chels, you are undoubtedly an old soul, so I understand why you feel annoyed hanging out with kids your own age, and you idolize all aspects of life beyond school, but you really need to slow your roll. What you perceive as the feeling of being stuck in the never-ending “eternity of University" actually comes and goes in a blink. You don't experience much of the standard "College 101" stuff. You really need to flirt with the cute guy in your genetics lab, say yes every time you get invited to a "dumb" frat party, stay late on campus drinking beer and talking about ideas just for the hell of it, kiss a girl, smoke a joint. You'll be better for it. And what the hell are you doing skipping classes to read literature? You rely on being smart, instead of studying and putting in the time. Please know that you have an entire lifetime of working ahead of you, and four years of being present for each experience (including hanging out with all those kids who actually have to study) is really important because it will be decades before you are that carefree again.
You mother provides the best advice in the world. About everything. Except one teeny tiny thing that will bug you later in life. You already know deep down you are an entrepreneur. You keep finding one opportunity after the next to channel that energy. You run everything by your mom, out of habit. And your mom (out of love and concern for you) talks you out of pursuing these things repeatedly. Politely tell her you understand that her biggest concern is making sure you start September with a padded bank account and that is why she is asking you to simply trade dollars for hours rather than earning money based on the success of the venture. Chels, you understand how to sell, and you work like a dog, and you've done the research, and you're just going to go after it. End of story!
Your career is nothing like you thought it would be. I don't want to give away all the twists and turns ahead, so just focus on these main points instead:
You make the right choice to ditch the spreadsheets and get your hands dirty
More people are going to be supportive of your climb than against it-- again, let the negative flow off your back like water
When you earn that overseas contract: stay up later, explore more of the city, talk to more people-- you won't be there as long as you think
Friends and family will laugh aloud when, at 18 years old, you tell them you want to marry your career.
Life will throw you more than a few bizarre curve balls when it comes to your love life. Don't listen when people tell you what you "need" in a relationship. Friends and family will laugh aloud when, at 18 years old, you tell them you want to marry your career. Where on earth did those words come from? They spill out of your mouth as naturally as an exhale. There will be good men who come into your life that make the grind a much richer and rewarding experience (because life really is sweeter when it's shared) but that doesn't mean you will feel any less connected to your first love (working towards your purpose). I promise you that each time you try to appease others in your choice of men, it ends horribly for you so let's just agree to not do that, mmm k? We've already had the heart to heart about your trusting nature-- I wouldn't ever want you to change that, but-- it will be a central tenet in your worst relationship of all. Sorry, some things just cannot be avoided. I want to reassure you that the cavity in your chest will heal, and eventually and you will love deeply, give yourself fully, again. Your capacity to love is second only to your capacity to dream.
Your parents aren't as embarrassing as you believe them to be. Hang out with them more. And Lauren is definitely not as annoying as you think she is-- she wants to be like you and you need to let her into your closet (and your life) more often. You will even look back one day and miss sharing a bathroom (I'm dead serious!). Don't waste time with people who don't give two shits about your well-being. And don't be so damn hard on yourself.
