Gratitude

I consider the experiences I’ve had in my life to be no accident. I was raised in an environment that rewarded hard work, provided rules and structure, promoted fairness, encouraged growth, and instilled confidence. When I have a moment, I often ask myself, "Why am I this way?" Why do I believe it’s my duty to carve my place in the world? Why do I enjoy the challenge so much? Why have I not been able to find the upper limit to what I think I can do?”. Let me share with you some of the influences in my life, so that maybe you can find ways to identify your own, and show those people, or experiences, gratitude.

The influence of strong women in my life has been a constant. The matriarch in our family, my grandmother, exerted her influence on us in a gentle, but powerful way. She set the bar high for us at an early age. We were expected to interact and participate in “adult” conversations and manners were not optional. We floated in and out of realms— between our youthful innocence and the world of adult expectations—with relative ease, and never thought it odd that grown-ups were interested in what we had to say. We were given the opportunity to form an opinion, and we were expected to find rational ways to defend it, while listening to the other side as well. Her immense patience is a virtue which I may not have, but I certainly appreciate the endless hours she spent teaching us to read before we entered kindergarten, and for all the effort she spent grooming us into "proper young ladies".

There was a firm expectation that we tried something before saying it wasn’t to our liking. It began with food when we were young, and then transcended into the way we were expected to approach experiences.Try it before you discount it.  This open-mindedness and lack of prejudice was also enforced with a sharp reprimand anytime intolerance for other cultures and ideologies crept into our conversations. “We are immigrants too; we are no different from them,” my grandparents would say in response to us regurgitating anything that resembled discrimination.

It was more than just British manners and emphasis on education that guided my sister and I through our childhood. As my adolescence slipped away and I began having the opportunity to grab at some pretty rare experiences, I found strength in thinking back to the challenges and unconventional experiences my grandma had. I’ll never know exactly what my grandparents experienced in the Middle East and Africa, but I know for sure that my grandma’s role was not a societal “norm” at that time. She expertly navigated the politics and pressures placed on her, and did so with poise. Juxtaposing our experiences gave me courage. I would call her during my long drives to frozen places, and sometimes from the other side of the world, and ask her about how she dealt with the trials of relocating, interacting with different cultures, and being a woman in a “non-traditional” role. She probably doesn’t know that sometimes on the other end of the phone I was silent because I was choking back tears thinking of how I couldn’t envision spending one more day doing what I was doing, yet somehow our conversations pushed me forward enough to break through that wall. Here I stand today because I didn't quit, and I have her to thank for that. 

It wasn’t only my grandmother who pushed boundaries and said, “Yes” to experiences that were foreign. My mother was one of the few women in oil and gas when it truly was “an old boys club”. My grandfather established an Alberta-based oil and gas filtration company, and my mom was tasked with making visits to the processing plants to call on all the major producers. There was a steep learning curve. I remember her telling me about the day she arrived dressed to make “sales calls” and the client sent her crawling up a platform ladder to cross a catwalk with diamond grid—she was wearing a pencil skirt and 3-inch heels. There were chuckles and a few ignorant comments from the men, but she scaled that ladder without hesitation and from that day forward became “The Filter Queen” of Alberta. The same men who were catcalling and acting foolishly became her best clients because she refused to give them the reaction they were seeking. I could write an entire post about the influence my mom has had on me, but I'm going to save that for another day.

I have doubts that I will ever meet a man as intelligent or self-possessed as my grandfather. He had an unshakable confidence in all of us girls—his granddaughters, his daughter, and his wife. Every memory I have of him involved some sort of life lesson (some were slightly unconventional, like being shown how to sharpen knives and forage for mushrooms at age 6).  I distinctly remember his interest in our views, our opinions, our dreams and the way in which he challenged us to think about the "Why?" behind our plans. Never did he let it enter our mind that we couldn't do something. Never. When I was 12, I announced that I was going to be a Forensic Scientist. Five years later, after my grandfather survived a rare lung diease,  BOOP, I was going to study medicine and become a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. Lofty, to say the least. As I regaled all of my goals, and how I would reach them, he would just smile and tell me that whatever the plan of the day was, that I would do it. Not “could” do it, but that I “would” do it. A decade after his passing, I still find myself setting somewhat out-of-reach targets for myself with that same confidence, and smile at how deeply embedded his faith in my abilities remains.

My grandfather’s greatest gift to me is something which I have spent a lot of time thinking about lately. To say my grandfather was a gifted entrepreneur is somewhat understated. The man saw opportunity in things which people had completely missed, and built business after business around this ability. Instead of fixating or specializing on any one thing, he moved freely between numerous industries, and countries. As a young adult I struggled anytime I had to make a decision to quit something—I was always so deeply committed to everything I did and I identified so strongly with what I was doing that there would be tears, and long talks if I had lost my passion for something and was about to pull out. The single question he would ask was,  "Have you gleaned everything you possibly can from this experience?" To which I would answer, yes. "Then it's time to move on, my dear".  Our household did not allow a feeling of failure or guilt or fear to creep into the experience of leaving something when the time had come to make that move. We were instead taught to identify the reason behind the need to quit—be it a strong misalignment of values, hitting the ceiling on how much more you can learn, a loss of passion or enjoyment, or an inner calling to seek out new challenges. I am so grateful for inheriting this “lens” as it has allowed me to move very rapidly through increasingly challenging roles, and I believe this is all about deeply understanding when it is time to leave something.

The influence of my grandparents is something which I am deeply grateful for. I have a deep desire to give back to them, and I think that way in which I can accomplish that is by not letting their wisdom go to waste. Displaying gratitude and showing appreciation is a habit, not a virtue. I believe in practicing it, and making it part of my day, every day. I am so grateful for the way in which I was raised, and I am hopeful that I get the opportunity to have this sort of impact on the people that come into my life, my future family, and the people that I work with.